As much as this year is about traveling around the world and experiencing new cultures, I find my biggest journey lies much closer to home.
For all of my life I have been the person who knew what to do. I always had the answers; I always had the plans. I was constantly motivated and I was perpetually moving forward. It was not until recently that I realized that I had no idea what I was moving forward towards. When I confess to those close to me that I (like everyone else) am clueless as to what I want to do with my life, they look at me dumbfounded. I had successfully fooled them. I had everyone convinced that I would be the example of the successful planner. The one whose by-the-book life plans were working for once.
More importantly or perhaps tragically, I had fooled myself into believing this beautiful lie. I wanted to fit so desperately into the plans that I had set in motion. I was scared to admit my wrongdoing, but more so I was scared to continue down this contrived path any longer.
I believe that it took more courage for me to admit that I am unsure of my future and what I want than to blindly pursue some life that is not mine. I was terrified to admit that my plans may not be right for me. I am anxious even now as I write this and announce officially that I am moving ahead blindly.
Here is what I do know. I am an independent, strong, smart, friendly and capable young woman. No, I am not stroking my ego here. These are just facts. Facts that I know about myself and love. Even though I do not know yet what my purpose is or any big picture ideas, I will be okay knowing these few things about myself. I have to allow myself to be content with the unsettling nature of life.
This is where travel has forever changed my life. Travel has allowed me to roll with the punches, to let things be unsettled, and to let the unknown not be so terrifying anymore. Travel has allowed me to feel, learn, experience, and to be without any plans at all.
So I choose to enjoy this journey despite its uncertainty. As enriching as my physical journey is, it is the inner journey that will forever change the course of my life because it is this location which never falters. The place that I long to find is deep down inside myself. I surely am enjoying the journey thus far and I have to say my passport is too.
Happy reading! I do hope that someday you all will find yourselves that way I am doing so around the world.